How to Stand Out in High School by Slowing Down

There is something about starting high school that feels intimidating, both for students and for parents. As much as I wish families could simply look forward to the new freedom, the choices, and the gradual journey toward independence, high school often arrives with a long list of expectations attached to it. Students hear that they need strong grades, difficult classes, clubs, volunteer hours, leadership positions, extracurricular activities, and a clear idea of where they are headed. Somewhere in between all of this, they are also supposed to somehow figure out what makes them different from everyone else.

That last part creates a particularly strange problem. If every family has heard the same advice about what students need to do in high school, then everyone begins doing similar things. So naturally, parents begin wondering, how does my child stand out in high school if everyone is doing the same things?

I am sure there are many answers to that question, but recently two completely unrelated experiences made me think about one answer we probably do not talk about enough. Maybe standing out is not always about doing more. Maybe sometimes it begins with slowing down enough to experience what you are already doing more deeply.

To Stand Out in High School, Be Present in the Experience

As part of Frolific's work in our community, we have partnered with several local schools. At one event, I was talking with a high school principal here in Forsyth County, and I asked what they wished students would do differently these days.

Their answer surprised me because it had nothing to do with grades, classes, college admissions, or leadership positions. They said they wished students would be more present in their high school experience. Students only get to experience these four years once, and instead of constantly rushing toward the next accomplishment, they wished they would slow down enough to actually experience where they were.

I kept thinking about that conversation because so much of high school is built around what comes next. Ninth grade becomes about finding the right pathway, tenth grade starts bringing SAT and ACT pressure, eleventh grade becomes heavily focused on college, and by senior year many students are simply exhausted by the whole process. No wonder senioritis is so common. They have spent years being told to prepare for the next thing, and by the time they finally reach the last year of high school, many of them have simply had enough. Somewhere in that constant preparation, it becomes very easy to forget that high school itself is an experience worth being present for.

What if slowing down meant being more thoughtful about why students choose what they choose? Instead of loading up on AP classes simply because that is what strong students are expected to do, they could look back at the subjects and projects that have genuinely held their attention and use those patterns as clues. Instead of joining a club because their friends are in it, or because they already know someone there and think it might improve their chances of becoming an officer, they could ask whether the activity actually gives them something they want to explore, learn, or contribute to.

That does not mean students should only stay with what already feels familiar. In fact, sometimes the best choice may be to deliberately branch out in the opposite direction. A student who has always loved math might try debate. A strong writer might explore robotics. An athlete might join a service organization. The point is not to build the perfect high school profile as quickly as possible. It is to collect enough real experiences to notice what keeps pulling you back, what you are willing to work hard at, and where you seem to have something meaningful to contribute. That is how a pathway begins to emerge naturally, rather than being manufactured from a checklist.

Curiosity Can Take You Further Than the Checklist

A few weeks later, during Leadership Forsyth, a community leadership program that brings together people from different professions and organizations across Forsyth County, something happened that made this idea even clearer to me.

We were at Legacy Lodge, and I had already arrived at the place I was supposed to be. I was attending the program, participating in the experience, and doing everything that was expected of me. At some point, though, I wandered outside simply because I was curious about what was around me. Nobody told me to go there, and nothing on the schedule suggested that there was something I needed to see.

That curiosity led me to one of the most beautiful sunrises.

What surprised me even more was what happened afterward. When I came back into the room for class, I felt almost elated. I was happier, more open, more willing to participate, and more willing to share. I felt more patient and more receptive to the people and ideas around me. In Frolific, we talk about being in your EQ Zone, that emotionally intelligent space where you are regulated enough to think clearly, respond thoughtfully, and handle what is happening around you without being pushed too far into frustration, anxiety, or shutdown. Watching that sunrise had somehow helped put me there.

That is what made the experience feel even more meaningful. I had not gone outside because I was trying to improve my mood, become more resilient, or prepare myself to contribute better in class. I had simply been curious. Yet that small act of exploring changed the way I experienced everything that came after it.

It struck me afterward was how easily I could have missed it. If I had stayed inside, I would never have known what I had missed, so technically there would have been no disappointment and no sense of loss. Yet because I kept exploring, I discovered something that added meaning to an experience I thought I was already fully having.

Later in the program, one person in our Leadership Forsyth cohort was recognized for demonstrating four qualities of leadership: bringing the right attitude, being fully present, having fun, and making someone’s day. I ended up receiving that recognition.

I smiled when it happened because it brought this entire idea full circle for me. I had not stood out because I had taken on one more responsibility, collected another accomplishment, or tried to get noticed. If anything, I had done the opposite. I had slowed down, looked around, allowed myself to experience where I was, and then brought that energy back into the room with me. Somehow, being more present had made me more noticeable.

That made me think about students and the way we define success for them. Sometimes we help them focus so heavily on reaching the destination that they stop exploring once they get there. They get the A and move on and move on working on the next A. They join the club and immediately start thinking about the title. They finish the assignment and close the book. They reach the goal and start worrying about the next one.

But what happens if they stay curious for a little longer?

A student who gets an A in biology could still wonder about something they learned and read more about it. A student who enjoys a class could ask the teacher another question, try a related competition, explore a summer opportunity, or simply investigate something that was never going to appear on the test. None of this has to begin with a grand plan. Sometimes curiosity itself becomes the path.

Middle School Is a Great Place to Begin

For parents of middle schoolers, this does not mean your child needs to start building a high school resume early. In fact, I would argue that middle school is exactly the time to do the opposite. It is a wonderful stage for experimenting without feeling that every choice has to lead somewhere important.

This is the time to try the club that sounds mildly interesting, take part in the competition even if they are not sure they will be good at it, volunteer for something small, speak to a new teacher, or explore a subject simply because it caught their attention. A middle schooler does not need a five-year plan. They need enough experiences to begin noticing what they enjoy, what frustrates them, what comes naturally, and what they are willing to work harder to understand.

Parents can help by resisting the urge to turn every interest into a future career. If your child suddenly becomes fascinated with astronomy, they do not need to decide whether they want to become an astrophysicist. If they love debate, that does not have to become a law-school conversation. If they enjoy coding for six months and then lose interest, those six months were not wasted. Exploration is valuable even when it does not become a permanent path.

What middle school can give students is practice in being curious. They can learn to ask questions, try things, discover what they like, recover from things that do not work out, and become more comfortable entering unfamiliar spaces. By the time they reach high school, they are not starting from zero. They already know how to explore.

That may be one of the best forms of preparation we can give them.

Slow Down to Stand Out in High School

I recently heard someone say that if you love your goal, you also have to learn to love the process of reaching it, otherwise you are unlikely to give the journey your best effort. I think there is a lot of truth in that for our teenagers.

We should absolutely encourage students to have ambitious goals. They should work hard, take challenging classes, build skills, pursue opportunities, and prepare for what comes next. But if they spend four years treating high school only as a race toward college, they may reach the destination without having fully discovered what the journey could have taught them.

Maybe the better question for parents is not always, “What else should you be doing?” Sometimes it could be, “What are you discovering?” What class are you enjoying more than you expected? What club has made you curious? What teacher has made you think differently? What subject makes you want to know more even after the assignment is finished?

Those questions encourage students to pay attention to their own experience rather than simply copying the high school checklist everyone else is following.

And perhaps that is one of the simplest ways to stand out in high school.

Do the ordinary things students are already expected to do, but experience them with greater curiosity, intention, and involvement. Take the class, but notice what fascinates you. Join the club, but look for ways to contribute. Get the grade, but keep learning if something interests you. Reach the destination, but keep exploring what might be just beyond it.

You never know where your sunrise might be.