As a educationalist I’ve asked hundreds of parents the same question: “What’s the one skill you think is most important for your child’s success in life?” And, no surprise here, the most common answer I get is “confidence.” Of course! We all want our teens to stride into the world like they own it, head held high, arms wide open, maybe even singing their life soundtrack in the background. (Cue Eye of the Tiger.)
But here’s the thing: Not all teens are born with that natural, glowing, “I’ve-got-this” energy. How do we help them become confident if they didn’t pop into the world ready to rock?
Confidence Isn’t Magic, It’s Math (Sort of…)
Let me break it down:
Confidence comes from success.
Success comes from achieving goals.
Achieving goals comes from perseverance
So the real question is: How do you instill perseverance?
Spoiler alert: It’s not by constantly reminding them to finish their homework while you’re making dinner. That’s just called multitasking (and a little bit of survival). Instead, we need to teach our teens the art of sticking with a task even when it gets tough, because guess what? Life gets tough! And this is where the superpower of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) comes in.
The Secret Sauce: Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Emotional Intelligence is like the operating system for success. It helps teens navigate their own feelings, especially when the going gets rough. And when things are going great? Well, motivation comes easily. But when things start falling apart (think failed quizzes, forgotten assignments)? That’s when Emotional Intelligence takes the wheel.
Simply put, EQ is the ability to know what you're feeling, when you're feeling it, and to have the capacity to change that. Pretty powerful stuff, right?
How to Build Perseverance with EQ:
Step 1: Know That You’re Out of Sorts
Sounds simple, but teaching teens to recognize when they’re not in the right frame of mind takes effort. (And no, “I’m fine!” doesn’t count as recognizing emotions!) Just noticing when they’re off balance is the first big step. Sometimes, just pointing out, “Hey, you seem frustrated,” can be enough for them to pause.
Step 2: Recognize the Intensity of Emotion
Teens don’t need to turn into emotion experts overnight. Even just being aware that they’re feeling something strongly is a big win. If they feel a wave of anger, sadness, or even frustration creeping up, they can remind themselves that strong emotions lead to impulsive reactions. And as we all know, impulse and success aren’t exactly best friends.
Here’s how this can play out:
Sunny’s Story (Age 13)
"After my quiz, I didn’t get a good grade. Initially, I thought, ‘What’s the point in studying for the next one? It’s hopeless.’ But after applying what I learned about recognizing my emotions, I realized I was really just angry at myself. Instead of letting that anger decide for me, I took a step back, pushed away the impulse, and studied hard for the next quiz. Guess what? I aced it!"
Sunny, who is enrolled in the Emotional Intellgence For Leadership module, isn’t a superhero—although she did just save herself from a meltdown and turned things around, which might be better.
Putting It Together: The Confidence Equation
The takeaway for parents? Confidence isn’t something your teen either has or doesn’t have. It’s a learned skill, built from small steps and daily perseverance. Success comes from goals, goals come from perseverance, and perseverance comes from…well, the ability to handle a little emotional turbulence.
Teaching teens how to notice their emotions and then manage them—whether it’s anger, frustration, or sheer boredom—is like handing them the keys to their own success.
So, the next time your teen rolls their eyes when you suggest working on a tough assignment or, you know, cleaning their room for once, remind yourself: You’re not just raising a teen. You’re raising a confident future adult—one eye roll at a time.
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